Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Jesus is to the season, as this post is to christmas

not at the right time of year.

This is an open letter to "reason for the season" types, who are upset about all the secular stuff they see as polluting Christmas's true religious identity:

Don't get me wrong, I like the religious imagery and carols and such - I grew up with it all mixed together in my home - but if you're going to start getting all jealous and possessive, this relationship isn't going to work and we're just going to have to split up. I don't want that, and i don't think you want that, but if you're going to be all abusive about this relationship every 12 months regular then I'm sorry, but you're entitled to leave.

Unfortunately, that means dividing the house we grew up in. Starting with the date. Historical Jesus was born some time in spring, and that's when his birth was celebrated for many centuries until the church decided to co-opt the big pagan party in late December. If you absolutely have to leave, you can take back your original slot in March or April and we keep the midwinter solstice.

On the pagan side we keep the trees (yule logs) the mistletoe (druidic), Santa (Coke), the good will and cheer (Dickens), the glitter and the presents (how much more worldy can you get). Religion, you get the star, the angels, St. Nick (minus the red and white regalia), the mangers and the midnight masses.

The songs we'll have to split. You get the messiah oriented ones, we get the jingle bells style ones - which, frankly, were mostly written by Jews so don't even think about it. Oh, don't kvetch, it's a clean win for you IMHO, you're getting most of the best ones - walking out with the sound track of my youth, darn you all to heck.

The only good news is that we both get to keep the drinking and eating. Recent protestant splits aside, the church has centuries of being pretty down with booze (ask Friar Tuck), and the pagans are practically famous for it too. On this we agree, even if it's not clear that either of us should be proud of it.

So those are the terms. I don't want you to leave - I ask you now, nicely, not to. But if we're going to be in this together, then we're going to have to start playing more nicely with each other. That means sharing our toys and not being so jealous or possessive. I'm willing, but are you? Please say yes. You know He would want you to.